I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
