One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
