wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
