After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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