She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
