I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
