Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
