Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
