idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
