i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
