so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
