I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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