im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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