like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
