I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
