I think i sorta joined a cult last night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
