My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
