Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
