His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
