New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
