I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
