I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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