your thong is hanging out like whoa
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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