I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
