Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
