hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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