i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
