2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
