There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
