I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
