I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
