I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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