why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
