Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
