No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
