that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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