Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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