I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
