I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
