so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
