Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
