I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
