thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
