i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
