I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
