Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
