I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
