It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
