do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Drunk is not a location!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
