We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
