I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
