Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
