I accidentally burped into my bong.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
