I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
