Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
