Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
