She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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