i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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